Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Big Target

I’m standing in line…next in line, so I had just put my DD coffee and powerbar protein bars down on the belt…the lady in front of my was fishing around in her wallet for correct change…the cute cashier girl was just standing there looking out side and noted out loud that it had just started to snow. This took the attention of everyone in the two open checkout lines to the doors…enter the Target employee that was bringing in the carts from the parking lot. Just as someone in the line at the register next to mine commented on “how its better to have snow than the ice we had last night”, the cart lady walks out from behind all of the carts and begins to walk in front of us all towards the employee door next to the Starbucks…as she does this, she unzips her coat.

Now this fine specimen of a woman…weighing in at about 350 pounds and roughly 5’-6” in height changed my life forever. As most horizontally challenged women are she was well endowed. And as a good Target employee she had on her company issue red T-shirt…a t-shirt that was, well…about 8” too short. This put in full site the glow of her stomach roll from the top of her pants up past her black hole of a naval to the shadows cast by her large sagging breasts. But this woman paid no mind to the free show she was giving everyone. Not too mention the cold rush of winter air that had rushed in behind her and the carts she no doubt had to feel on her open acreage of skin.

So out of respect for the, well…the fat, everyone in the two checkout lines quickly looked away and continued on with what they were doing. The mood had changed; the room was ready to burst. You can now taste the uneasiness. It’s a train wreck and you can’t stop what is unfolding in front you…Though I try, I can’t take my eyes of the glowing whiteness of what appears to be one of several abdominal areas…I’m a deer in caught in head lights and the silence is deafening…As the handful of customers and Target employees that surround me recover from the horror we just witnessed the woman makes her way closer to the employees only area.

So without thinking I said….”They make bigger shirts, right?” and evidently, this wasn’t to myself…I’ve never heard the tension snap in a room so fast and so loud….The cashiers were on the floor laughing, the lady in front of me was bright red with her face buried in her purse, and the store manager was running at full sprint after the spectacle to get her off the floor as fast as possible…


That’s my story….i will laugh about that for years…

1 comment:

Unknown said...

yikes, I can visualize....not good either....sorry you had to witness that Todd, you'll be okay though, in a few years.